Tailoring broken-English

During my first trip to Punjab in 2004, I found tailor who I have diligently returned to year after year. It’s easy to find a friendly tailor, hard to find a cheap tailor, and harder still to find a reliable tailor. I like my tailor, he’s witty and does great work – even if we have some language issues and he says done by Tuesday but means Saturday night. Hey, it’s India; you get pissed off and they watch you to see what happens.

I know the relationship would be so much better if my linguistic skills were beyond that of a 3-year old. Outside of business transactions, our conversations are slow and mostly consist of comparisons between America and India or India and Pakistan. Speaking in broken English, Punjabi, and Hindi, our conversations are very basic and quite drawn out. Based on talks this summer, I know that he speaks Punjabi with a wide-ranging vocabulary – Hindi and Punjabi/Farsi based, but without the use of tonals. As well, he is pro-Hindu right and believes that the Middle East and Pakistan are full of bad Muslims; Muslims are not to be trusted; Muslim women kill others just like Muslim men. He wasn’t trying to preach to me, he just wanted my opinion and felt free to voice his.

One evening we got onto the subject of presidents and prime ministers. Speaking of Indira Gandhi in the honorific, Shri Mati, my tailor suddenly pointed at me and said, “You shoot her”. It took me a second to realize that he was equating me with the Sikh bodyguards who had shot her. Interesting how a lack of vocabulary can accomplish so much with one gesture.